An imposter is among us, an imposter who is so insidious, so evil, that I, the greatest and best ultimate future leader of the entire universe must bring it to your attention before it causes serious harm.
The imposter I speak of, it will not steal your credit card, nor your identity, nor your family, this most horrible of things would not settle for the targets of any average garden variety imposter, this creature aims to invade your senses, it will render upon your taste buds the most horrid of horrid tastes.
It preys on the innocent sausage loving public, hiding on supermarket shelves incognito, waiting for an ill-informed consumer to pick it up, pay for it and prepare it to be eaten; the second you rest it upon your tongue, the sausage facade shall melt leaving you, the poor consumer to writhe in the full horror and gore of gastronomic genocide.
My friends, this sausage is not a sausage, it travels the universe under many an alias, including but not limited to:
- Little Boy
This sausage imposter must be stopped, it’s inards bring shame to the fine family of meat products we know as a sausage, I implore the reader, do not buy these horid beasts.
I thank you for your support in this matter