I was feeling quite depressed this afternoon, so I decided I’d go for a walk in the rain. Somehow because I was feeling so bad, the fear of the unknown I’ve spent my life developing was temporarily suppressed (or depressed?)
As I walked I went through my normal stages of feeling sad:
- In a hole, leave me alone
It was during the questioning stage that I decided I was going to make something useful of this cold wet afternoon walk and do some shopping, the shopping itself was mundane as it ever has been however I’m currently very happy because I managed to cross the two roads between home and the shops twice, without killing myself.
I’ve crossed roads before as part pf rehab exercises but I never really felt a sense of accomplishment because there was always someone with me. I always had a safety net, so the fear was always suppressed a bit, not the fear of the unknown, but a fear of trusting my own instinct. I still don’t trust them entirely, and ordinarily I wouldn’t do new things on my own because of that, but today the fear was gone and I placed myself in a new and dangerous situation without a safety net and came out alive, that is something I feel proud of.