Hello Human, have you had a good day? I certainly hope so, there lies much greater satisfaction in the degradation of your emotional state before I annihilate you, now is not the time for that, but beware tiny human, your end is nigh. Nigh is a fancy word for close, which is word I am using to identify the future current time and date, which is not currently now, but will be soon, that’s right the end is soon, and soon will be nigh…soon!, but not now!
A word of advice, maintain poise and grace, not only will it strengthen your bladder and correct the curve in your spine, it will prevent you becoming a pile of liquid goo before nigh, something you don’t want to do before you visually and intellectually ingest the verbal bounties of my very first guest speaker
So, this is my little cameo on the blog of El Smurfo. (Sorry if that’s wrong, I
didn’t take Spanish.) This is most likely a once in a lifetime thing, ladies and
gents. So, if you don’t like me, don’t worry. I won’t be back. If you do like me,
well, I’m sorry.
I suppose I’m here to give you a little variety. As Brad has stated, “normal”
people don’t tend to understand us cyborgs. For starters, my name is Autumn.
I’m 19. I’ve been in a wheelchair for about 5 years. I have Muscular Dystrophy.
There is no cure, yet.
Now, onto the Q & A.
Q: Can you walk?
A: Yes, but only a little, I get tired quickly. And, it’s more of a waddle. A sexy waddle.
Q: Why can’t you walk?
A: The muscles in my legs are weak.
Q: What’s the name of you’re um……….disease?
A: Muscular Dystrophy.
Q: Is it contagious
A: Only if you drink my blood and whistle the American national anthem backwards.
Q: Do you wish you could walk?
A: Sometimes, but like Brad I don’t really think about it. Unless I’m in a situation where I can’t do something because of not being able to walk.
Q: Can you feel your <insert possibly paralysed body part here>?
A: Yes, I can feel it.
Q: So if I hit you, you’d feel it?
A: If you hit me, YOU will feel it. I’ll get some big hairy men to beat your face in.
Q: Do you like being in a wheelchair?
A: Hah, sometimes it’s a good thing. People tend to get out of your way easier if you’re in a wheelchair.
Q: Can you get out of your wheelchair
Q: Do you sleep in your wheelchair?
A: WTF kind of question is this, seriously?
Q: Can you play sports?
A: Um, I’ve never tried so I wouldn’t know.
Q: Can you dress yourself?
A: Yes, ’tis funny seeing me get a shirt on and off.
Q: Can you write?
A: Yes I can, and I have pretty decent handwriting, if I do say so myself.
Q: How do you pee?
A: In this big shiny white thing that some people call a “toilet.”
Q: Yeah, but like do you have to do it a special way?
A: Well seeing as how I’m a girl, I don’t have to hold anything up, if that’s what you mean.
Q; Would you only go out with other cripples?
A: No, I’m sorry but that would make things very complicated. And I’m not gonna lie, I’m kinda shallow.
Q: Can you have sex?
A: I can.
Q: Can you have kids?
A: I’m not sure. The muscles in my stomach are weak, if it were possible I’d most likely have to go C-Section.
Q: Were you picked on at school?
A: Not to my face, and I never heard about anyone saying anything behind my back. (about the wheelchair thing anyway) However, I was picked on for my name. (silly children)