Cripples: Questions & Answers

Since I arrived on this planet I’ve noticed that you “people” are very inqusitive creatures. I have also noticed that people have a very obvious lack of central awareness through which information can be broadcast. This missing facility means that purveyors of advanced alien knowledge such as myself are forever probed for the same information

Here I place a list of information for which I am commonly probed


Q: Can you walk?
A: No. the limbs do not comply.

Q: Why can’t you walk?
A: I was vaccinated and it broke part of my brain

Q: What’s the name of you’re um……….disease?
A: I’m not diseased, I have Cerebral Palsy which means my Cerebral Cortex is about as functional as  a liquidated minion

Q: Is it contagious
A: Injuries are not contagious, if you break your leg and touch me, my leg won’t break

Q: Do you wish you could walk?
A: Sometimes. but I don’t usually bother thinking about that, it is the way it is and there’s nothing I can do to change it

Q: Can you feel your <insert possibly paralysed body part here>?
A: Yes, I have full sensation

Q: So if I hit you, you’d feel it?
A: Yes, however doing this would increase the likelihood of your body being  rapidly converted to a more gelatinous state.

Q: Do you like being in a wheelchair?
A: Yes, most of the time, they are fun to play with.

Q: Can you get out of your wheelchair
A: Yes

Q: Do you sleep in your wheelchair?
A: Only if i stay up too late and fall asleep, I usually sleep in a normal bed.

Q: Can you play sports?
A: Yes but as a geek I find the idea repulsive.

Q: Can you dress yourself?
A: Yeah but I have to avoid buttons because my hands aren’t as obedient as they should be either

Q: Can you write?
A: No, partly because I never learned and partly because my hands are a tad insolent

Q: How do you pee?
A: With a Penis.

Q: Yeah, but like do you have to do it a special way?
A: It’s a point and click operation just like every other suitably equipped individual. However I do need rails to compensate for the insolent limbs.

Q; Would you only go out with other cripples?
A: No, to be honest I’d probably avoid going out with other cripples for a variety of reasons.

Q: Can you have sex?
A: Yes

Q: Can you have kids?
A: It’s an ultra-long term goal

Were you picked on at school?
A: Yes a little, but I am more than capable of a good counter-insult


The answers to the questions posted here apply only to me and are in no way representative of any or all other disabled people, if you want to know about them, I suggest you ask them,

I welcome questions so if you have any for me please feel free to leave a comment.

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