One’s mind is a fast moving place, it must be due to the very nature of keeping my physical and emotional states synchronised and within (mostly) reasonable constraints. That said I have become concerned that amidst all this movement, one thing has remained constantly affixed at the front of my thaught processing queue: uncertainty. At the moment I am very uncertain about a small number of very critical things which is causing me a lot of stress.
Where I’ll Live
The powers that be have decided that it is time to begin preparations for moving out, no prerequisite has ever scared me so much as this one, this process will vastly change my domestic and financial situation bestowing upon me commitments such as rent and the need to prepare my own meals using my very limited cooking skills,
I am a person who must be constantly doing something, to sit means to fall into the infinite loop of procrastination that will ultimately render my life a useless shell filled with nothing but dead dreams and failures, the only positive to this outcome is the inevitable increase in Prozac sales that will be necessary to keep me from falling too far. I already know what I want to do, I have a problem deciding which institution I should study with, at this stage it looks as though I’ll be studying at CPIT due to my ability to subvert any math related prerequisites, this is assuming I can overcome the problems of orientation and accessibility, I’m confident I can, but I can’t put the possibility of failure and it’s consequences completely out of mind.
Has a dependency on study, especially considering my uncompromising defiance toward doing any job that I don’t care about. There are plenty of uncaring people in the world, most of them work in call centres in India and have a mandate to disturb the dinner of western nations en masse, I’m not going to contribute to that, if I am to work, I must care for what I’m doing, I can’t do that if I’m not qualified to do the things I care about
Right now, the problem trees in my mind are all critical and interdependent, for obvious reasons this is not my preferred state, I can only hope that time brings resolution and clarity.
Note to self: Don’t publish another blog post in word, it sucks at blogging.