Waking Reasons

It’s now 1 AM, despite going to bed at 12 I’m still nowhere near sleep, not even with the help of the ultimate emotional comfort food that is Gilmore Girls.

I’m worried about a great many small things which cumulatively form an overwhelming concern. Escape is difficult, as evidenced by the failure of weeks of emotional masking and abstraction. I had hoped that in that time I would found some resolution to whatever this is, or at least made some peace with it.

That said, it’s time I got to the crux of this issue. Nobody hopes for confrontation, but one must not hold oneself above it in the absence of another avenue.

I’m worried about my future in general, though I have made great gains during my time in rehab, given the skills I have now, and the time I have available to me, even if I put in extraordinary effort I can not in good conscience state that I feel I would be ready to live on my own in the outside world, and yet I would feel equally bad staying.

I also worry about this course. The root issue here is the inability of humans to make accurate assertions about the future, this course is a sizable component of my future and so failure here would be disastrous.

There are a few other major issues I don’t wish to express publicly, but when all things are considered there lies precedence for my insomnia

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