Stack Overflow

I am extremely stressed, to the point where I may actually cry if one more little thing is added to the massive stack I currently support. I can’t help but feel almost entirely unsupported here which doesn’t help as I’m feeling more and more like my life has veered off down a giant hill with a pit of failure at the bottom.

The two major things upsetting me at the moment are the fact that I’m not doing that well overall in my course. This is extremely stressful and upsetting because this is like my 4th attempt at getting qualified and nothing has been successful yet, it makes me wonder if I should give up on IT altogether, which itself is a scary thought because then I have nothing to fulfill me and I feel as though my life is worthless.

Compounding this problem is the fact that I may be developing RSI, even if I’m not writing software, computers are absolutly vital to my existence both socially and for communication and while I know there are other input methods, anybody who has used a computer seriously knows that all other input methods fail by comparison to the keyboard

The other major source of stress is the move and a;; the things surrounding it, while I know the details need time to be sorted out the stressful thing is when I consider it in relation to everything else and how crappy a situation that leaves me in

Consider

  • No job
  • No qualifications
  • Failing my course
  • Potentially no use of computers
  • No real friends in Christchurch
  • Family aren’t here
  • No point moving back home
  • No other path in life besides computers, even my backups are gone if i can’t use my hands and I haven’t even began to consider how it would affect my independence
  • I’m very lonely
  • I don’t like clubs and groups of any kind, the concept just makes me feel a bit sick inside
  • I can’t kill myself so I’m trapped in this horrible mess.
  • I shouldn’t even be alive in the first place – I was supposed to die, humans meddled with the situation, even though their hearts were in the right place,, this world is not really designed accommodate people like me and it shows

Ok that last point is pretty harsh clearly I am alive and I guess thats a good thing but life is looking very bleak at the moment and I can’t see a way out of this unfolding mess.

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One thought on “Stack Overflow

  1. Seems like you’re having a lot of trouble completing work. Too much procrastination: that’s usually resistance to change. You have to change your habits to complete the course. I’d say you’re quite used to chatting/coding/dicking about on the PC for most of any given day without having a set-time for completing work. This work ethic comes from the history of success you build when you complete work. The first few completions are the hardest. After that it gets easier. You must persist and be disciplined.

    You may initially feel this is an attack: it’s not. It’s identification of the issue and an offered method to counter the problem. The key is to break the procrastination. Next time you find you’re aimlessly trawling the web reading stuff that doesn’t help you qualify in I.T. think, “What am I actually getting out of this?”, “Will this help me in the long term?”

    Yes this world is not setup for people like you. That is the very reason when you complete your qualification you will be VERY well regarded. Any able-bodied meat sack with an IQ >99 can finish an I.T. qualification. How many disabled bodied meat-sacks can finish it? Very, very few! Completion alone will make you stand out from every other graduate. It will be proof that you really wanted it. Not only did you battle the workload and the concepts you battled the physicality of the campus and the social prejudices. Any employer capable of a little analytical thought will see this quickly and you will be assured of being remembered.

    Here’s a vignette for you:
    “We’ve got 160 candidates. How to we choose one? They’ve all got qualifications and they want this junior position.” throws all the names in a heap.
    “Well, who stands out? Who has shown their keen?”
    “Hmm…”
    “What about this guy? He moved from Thailand, learnt English and got his qualification?”
    “Or this one, has mobility issues since birth, returned to study and has a portfolio of app’s?”

    Gaining employment is like selling a new product. You just have to make the ‘Bra(n)d’ stick in their minds! 😀

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