Chaotic Sloth

Today has proven to be uneventful due to my protracted slumber. I have to call a random person to enquire about an ad seeking a boarder before Monday’s review meeting

Click is going well, despite a good deal of internal debate surrounding my testing strategy for the Dispose method on GameTimer. I am reasonably sure I’ve settled on one strategy now (which I will discuss later) but want to expose it to other eyes as it does feel a little bad.  The only other major issue with Click is that the GameTimerBehaviours test class has become quite large and I really must break it into smaller bits.

Moving out is scaring me quite a lot. I know that it’s what I want and has always been the plan, but uprooting oneself to seek an environment with new challenges and stresses creates a significant degree of fear which has lead to procrastination.

The stress I feel is currently being exacerbated somewhat by the extreme goal-orientation within the team of people assisting me. While I appreciate that some of these people have a vested interest in my moving out, I would appreciate a little more empathy, this process is difficult enough without pressure to complete it as quickly as possible in order to satisfy the requirements of someone else’s business process.

Another concern regarding moving out is that my life currently lacks purpose given my recent failure at polytech. I can’t help but feel future attempts at academic study seam pointless as I have now failed a multitude of times in varying environments. Perhaps it’s time to accept that my goals are too lofty for someone of my capability, however in accepting that I am only re-affirming my current situation and am no closer to finding a reason for being as I would still be unemployable.

I crave escape from this chaos, but I have no means to achieve it.  I fear it’s about to be greatly escalated as I am pushed toward the unknown once again

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