For those of you who have not been following my adventure from it’s inception, I shall recant poignant excerpts that capture the mood of this day:
I will be alone in a place i’ve never been before, this is my first adventure outside my self-imposed, fear re-inforced bubble that is my comfort zone, and, after much deliberation, i’ve decided to do my best to supress my fear, throw my arms open and embrace all that my first foray into the world has to offer.
This sentiment rings as true then as it does now, as I stand on the precipus of the next chapter in the adventure that has been my life to date. The aforementioned quote serves well as a device to render upon thou my general feeling, however no recantation, however precise can truly capture the moments beyond it, so I shall try to put to verb that which hath fallen into the temporal discrepancy.
As I prepare to leave the facility there is a plethora of concerns at the forefront of my mind. Historically, I have found that linearity resonates well when attempting to express my inner self, and so to that end I begin a list:
- Unpreparedness: this is not so much mental as physical, I am currently lacking food and a towel, all items of vital importance that I should have acquired yesterday, and while I am confident that acquiring them today will not prove formidably adverse, I can’t help but to acknowledge the stress that not being entirely prepared has created
- Fear: This is a very general term, at the moment fear manifests itself in a few specific areas:
- The Unknown:
I am about to be plunged into a situation that, while not entirely foreign to me, I lack significant experience with. There is new people to meet and environments to conquer and this in itself is somewhat scary
- Complete Catastrophic Failure:
It seams to me that my life has been in a state of flux for a time period far beyond my most extreme estimates. I am not progressing in gaining qualifications for a variety of reasons which have been discussed here in the past, while this fact remains true, I can’t help but wonder if I I’ll ever truly succeed in life. Some may say that I am being too hard on myself but if I have difficulty accepting such consistent failure in my life
I’m sure there are probably other fears dwelling within my subconscious mind that I am unable to recount here but those which I can are a fair representation of my primary concerns at this point in my life.
During my rehab and life in general there have been a good number of people ho have had a significant impact upon me, and as I transition from one milestone to the next, I will thank those that come immediately to light:
You gave birth to me, despite my best efforts to hamper the process, for that I will always be greatful
Your absence has had an effect on me which I can’t quite define, but I have a feeling life might have been very different if you stayed around a while longer
You’re not actually that bad, despite having spent most of my existence being a complete pain in the arse.
Without you, I would still be the littlest, your birth saved me from a lifetime of crap and for that I thank you. You’re an awesome little sister, even though you are FAR taller than me, I love you lots.
I don’t believe I’ve ever met anyone more obsessed with our national sport, nor do I think I ever will. For all the times you’ve helped me when I needed it, thanks.
Stuart / Patrick / Patrice
You had the largest influence on my rehab overall, you pushed me out of my comfort zone when I needed it and in so doing set the tone for the rest of my rehab which is largely responsible for me being who I am today.
Jackie / Jess / Vicki / Mortisha
Always fun to laugh at / with / about. You got me through scissors, zips and eye exercises, without these I would probably be road-kill right now.
For the final time, the smily face is inserted using the colon and bracket keys!
You are quite possibly one of the most enthusiastic people I have ever met, stopping just shy of that point where a person is so motivated and happy that you just want to slap them until they hate themselves. You’re constant need for “one more” of everything got me through many visits to the gym.
You made rehab just a tad more fun in the form of your inability to let me win an argument. Like Pat you pushed me to try new and scary things and it almost always turned out to be OK, except when using the George Forman grill, that was a bad move. Your excessive positivity was always noted, if not always appreciated.
I am glad to have met you. Though things didn’t end quite as I had planned, I’m grateful for the experience (even the bits that hurt) and I’m glad we aren’t enemies.
You are the only geek I know and the only member of our family I would let have admin rights on any of my boxen. My ports and firewalls are always open to you. Use the force to live long and prosper.
If I’ve forgotten anyone, it’s because the RSI is setting in and should not be taken as a sign of disrespect, this has been a long post