Sadness and Mulling

This morning, after returning from a late showing of Public Enemies, I am feeling sad, for despite my satisfactory cinematic experience, I can not avoid casting my mind toward matters less trivial, and of greater concern.

I wonder why I am here, what my purpose is, for it seams that my reckoning thereof was false. Fate has drawn me away from IT, the one remaining point of stability, the one area in which I could be treated as an equal without exception, exemption nor modified circumstance, has been rendered impractical by fate leaving  me wondering just what it is I am meant to do with my life now, and where exactly I belong.

There are certainly other areas in which I excel, English being the primary candidate. I have considered engaging in formal study thereof for the purpose of gaining a qualification. In spite of the fact that my chosen path appears to be impassable, and that I have no known alternatives, there remains the question of whether it is wise to invest in perusing English, or more specifically linguistics academically.

The argument in favour of such pursuits is largely one of necessity, I must do something with my life, especially now as I grow ever older, and increasingly aware and intolerant of my current inability to be employed; for some this may be an acceptable end but I refuse to live my life taking from public welfare funds without consideration to how I might replenish them and contribute to society.

Though my desire to work is strong, so too is my belief that in order to truly achieve something, one must enjoy that which he peruses, at least to some extent, and while it is true that I do have a talent with respect to my use of language, I don’t know if this is of any advantage in the field of linguistics, nor am I certain I will enjoy engaging in it, or what opportunities a qualification therein will open to me.

In summary, I am uncertain whether taking a path simply because I possess a talent for it is a wise strategy considering the amount of time I have left to work and the possibility that I may spend a good deal of that time doing something for which I have no passion.

While it is possible to do work for which one has no passion, one who has such a passion will generally render a better service to his field. It is important to me that I not only work, but also achieve something through my work, passion is what gives one the ability to do this.

And so I sit, scared and confused on this presipus with precious little time and the need to make a decision of considerable consequence.


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