We all want things, and once we have our eye on something, we will usually put what meager force we have into acquiring it, this is human survival, and human greed in its most primitive and pure form. So what then of love? Are our desires to find and keep a mate a simple manifestation of this urge within us all, or have I zoomed in too far on one simple aspect of something far more complex? I don’t know yet, if you do, please feel free to share. I am not an oracle (nor anything like Larry Elison), this scarcity of foresight behooves me to draw from the few brief and fleeting experiences I’ve had which are representative of nothing, except perhaps the  four by four box that is my world view.

Love is like standing in a green field holding a wet match. This twig is now a token from which you might draw a memory from seconds prior where a magical spark held your gaze. It is likely that while you held the match, you had no intention for it to go out, you liked watching the flame dance, but if you’re anything like me, you saw this coming, which means you were prepared, you were strong, you could cope when the flame was extinguished. You hae logic and logic tells you that it’s impossible for anything to last forever. And then it goes, and your logic is lost somewhere in a sea of emotion that not even your highest and strongest walls of rationality could contain.

The reason it hurts is because the very act of falling in love, amongst other things means that you disregard your sense of self-preservation for a moment, in the hopes of finding something better, and each time I have done that, I have found something much more palatable than this lonely life I lead. It hurts because by this point the flame is gone, and you are back exactly where you started. I’m not saying this doesn’t hurt, it does, but it also means that at some point you get to light another match. I would prefer to stand in the field lighting matches into the wind, enjoying each spark as it exists. not staring down at the pile of expended sparks at my feet

So, to all my sparks past and future, thank you for fixating me Smile


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